The Political Debate in America

The Political Debate in America
as presented by Conservative Media Conglomerate, Inc.
(transcript by AstroGirl)

REPUBLICAN: I think marriage should be only between a man and a woman, so I'm going to introduce a constitutional amendment to stop gays from marrying.

DEMOCRAT: I also think marriage should only be between a man and woman, but I think that decision should be up to the states.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: I think we should fully support the war on terror, and give law enforcement all the tools they need to arrest terrorists, even if it means that everyday Americans lose some of their civil liberties.

REPUBLICAN: I think we should do all that too, but I think we should spy on everyday Americans, just in case they are terrorists, and I think we should torture anyone we even suspect until they confess.

DEMOCRAT: But maybe, since due process is guaranteed by the Constitution and all, we ought to let suspected terrorists have lawyers and a fair trial.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: Well, maybe I did just go a bit far. Thanks for calling me on that.

REPUBLICAN: I think we should stay the course in Iraq.

DEMOCRAT: I think we should stay the course in Iraq too.

REPUBLICAN: But I think we should kill and torture more people than you do, you hippie peacenik liberal. Furthermore, I think we should totally ignore health care. After all, in America, we have the best health care lots of money can buy.

DEMOCRAT: I think we should ignore health care too, but maybe the really big companies should continue to pay for health care for their employees.

REPUBLICAN: Whoa! You're getting dangerously close there to (gasp!) socialized medicine! Who's going to pay for that? Rich people like me shouldn’t have to pay any taxes!

DEMOCRAT: Rich people like me shouldn't have to pay any taxes either, but may be we should give the middle-class a bit of a break too.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

DEMOCRAT: I think we should give 97% of the federal budget to the Department of Defense and use the other 3% for social services, including road repair.

REPUBLICAN: 3%? A whole 3%? Don't you know there are bad guys everywhere, who would love to take America down? Some of them are even hiding under my bed! I think we should give 99% of the federal budget to the Department of Defense and give the other 1% to Wal-Mart.

DEMOCRAT: Would you like me to check under your bed for terrorists?

REPUBLICAN: Would you?

(DEMOCRAT goes and checks.)

DEMOCRAT: It's only a mouse.

REPUBLICAN: Liberal!

(previously published at astrogirl.gather.com)